AS GOOD AS IT GETS

August 31, 1997 - March, 2010
Las Cruces, NM - Enumclaw, WA

Much to the surprise of all my Doctors, nurses, therapists and prayer warriors, I was up and walking much sooner than anyone had thought or predicted. In fact, I had left the rehab hospital in El Paso around the 15th of August. At the time I had not been cleared to bear weight on my right hip so I was still confined to a wheel chair. By the end of August, x-rays showed the pelvis and hip had healed sufficiently for me to begin some weight bearing. With help from my friend Karen who owned her own PT clinic in Las Cruces, and my regular therapist Greg at CORE (center of rehabilitation excellence) we were seeing daily improvement in upper body strength, and gradual strengthening of hamstrings and quads. I would come home each morning from 2 hours of exertion and I would be drained. Once in the house, I would immediately transfer from my "chair" to my favorite recliner which had been brought downstairs. No sooner than I would have gotten settled and had a few drinks of what had become my favorite beverage - Sprite on ice - I would be out like a light for a couple of hours. Sweet reverie filled with hopes and dreams of walking, skiing, and running just like things had been before.

Afternoons were usually filled with visits from friends and weekly readings of the Calvary Caller newsletter and the Enumclaw Courier Herald. Plans were on track to move to Washington. We'd missed my July 1 starting date but were hoping to move in the fall if my rehab had progressed enough.

Since I couldn't yet go up steps, a hospital bed had been rented and placed in a downstairs bedroom. At the SW corner of the house, there was usually an evening breeze. If we weren't out on our patio, we were in that room talking with the lights out - making plans, dreaming of the future, and enjoying a life we weren't sure we would ever have again. It was sacred time.

August 18
Dr. Miguel Pirella-Cruz' office

Dr. Cruz had been the orhopedist who had supervised the fractures in my pelvis and hips. I'll never forget that day for two reasons. First, it always seemed very strange to me that the most difficult place to navigate a wheel chair was the Dr. in charge of getting me out of the chair. There was no ramp up to the sidewalk which was rough and broken. The doors were heavy and had no handi-cap button to push to open the doors automatically. But once inside, he determined that there had been sufficient healing for my external fixator to come off. He disappeared from the exam room and came back a few minutes later with a crescent wrench, a screwdriver, and a pair of pliers. With those mechanics tools, he proceeded to unscrew the 4 inch stainless steel screws that held the fixator device in place. I closed my eyes and cringed thinking there would be excruciating pain as he twisted out the metal from my pelvic crest bones. I felt nothing but a little odd pressure and before I knew it he was done. Instead of the fixator being a permanent attachment to the features of my mid-section, I was now holding it triumphantly like a prize fighter holds the championship belt after winning the title. It was a great moment. I still had to use the chair for a couple more weeks but I felt invigorated and ever more hopeful.

We went out to dinner that night to celebrate the great victory which really wasn't mine or ours but God's. Even Dr. Sunshine had to admit that the progress was much faster and promising than he ever thought possible. I think he was beginning to recognize what Judy had told him two months earlier: "You do what you can and we are trusting God to do the rest."

Once I got the clearance to begin bearing weight, I began working with my therapists to build more strength and balance. One day - August, 31 - to be exact, I came home from Karen's rehab clinic with a huge surprise. Judy didn't know it but for 3 or 4 days I had been practicing walking with the help of a walker. Even though I didn't have complete feeling or motion in my lower legs, things seemed to work all right from the knees up on both legs and so I found I could walk slowly, being careful to pick up my feet with each step far enough that my drop-foot would clear the floor.

Judy came home and I had a beaming grin on my face. Karen had sent the walker home with me. I told Judy to wait in the kitchen because I wanted to show her something. She was the one who just about fell over when I came plodding out of my bedroom, standing upright and under my own power.

Life was filled with small victories during that time. Kresta was home from Oregon that weekend to work on wedding plans. We decided to go out to eat as a family. Being able to walk into the "Hacienda" our favorite Mexican restaurant and have "Tony's Special" their unique salsa and the lightest, fluffiest Sopapillas in the state was freeing and exhilarating. Life seemed good. I thought to myself, if things never get any better and this is as good as my recovery gets, I am content.

That night, since it was such an eventful night anyway, I further shocked and terrified Judy, Melissa and Kresta when I decided to try going up stairs for the first time. Judy quickly stepped in behind me and grabbed me by a belt loop. I don't think she had considered what would have happened if I had lost my balance and fallen backward. We both might have ended up in the hospital again. We didn't. It took a long time and I was exhausted but I made it upstairs to the loft where the computer and tv were and where Judy's and my master bedroom that we had designed was. I had despaired ever seeing it again or sleeping in our bed again. When I got to the top of the stairs, someone had brought the walker up and I made my way into the bedroom and flopped into the bed, sobbing like a child. I was so thankful at that moment for the healing - even if it were not complete - that God had given. At that moment, at that time, surrounded by the three most important people in my life, it truly was as good as it gets.

Over the next three months there were numerous moments like that; each one a first; each one a dazzling thrill as something I hadn't expected to be able to do; some mountain was conquered.
- Pushing the lawnmower around the backyard over a two day period;
- Riding in a golf cart watching my friend Brian and his dad play golf; getting out and actually swinging a putter;
- Preaching once again in my former church - Northminster Presbyterian
- Driving through a McDonalds Drive-Thru the day the hand controls had been put on our car;
- pulling away from Las Cruces to make our way north - stopping in Colorado to see my mother and my sister;
- driving through the beautiful Colorado Rockies which I had grown up loving, exploring and marveling at;
- Getting out of the car in Nampa Idaho and walking without a crutch to hug Kresta as we arrived for her wedding; walking her down the aisle to marry Ryan;
- arriving in Enumclaw and sitting on the beautiful deck overlooking Lake Sawyer at the cabin where our friends the Gramanns had so graciously said we could stay until we found our own house;
- Walking into Calvary on November 1 to surprise the congregation that had called me to be their pastor.
- Preaching my first sermon there; meeting people about whom I had read in the church newsletter and whose pictures I had studied for weeks;
-Traveling back to Las Cruces to walk Melissa down the aisle and perform her wedding to Jerry in the church I had pastored for 13 years; watching Dr. San Fillippo (aka Dr. Sunshine) crane his neck to watch in amazement as this feat was performed;
- Finding a home with the help of Sarah, our realtor and fellow church-member;
- Adopting a new Golden Retriever - Kirk - a dropout (oops - career change dog) from the local guide dog program;
- Showing up at the storage unit the day we were to move into our new home and seeing the parking lot packed with over 30 people ready to haul boxes and furniture, set up computers, stock refrigerators and pantries, etc.;
-Starting up a new exercise and therapy regime with Stuart, a new Physical Therapist;
-Finally discarding forearm crutches, canes and other assistive devices;
- Walking around Deep Lake with my new "best friend" Kirk and thinking so vividly to myself, "if this is as good as it gets, I am content."

So much of what we do in life, we take for granted. When the threat of losing those little normalities confronted me, I was surprised to realize that God had given me a new perspective on life and on abilities. When I was a runner, a short walk wasn't anything I could appreciate. It didn't compare with running 5 miles. Skiing Black Diamond runs and moguls made the bunny hill seem foolish. Standing in the pulpit to preach every week was something I didn't think about.

Now those small accomplishments seem much larger to me, even though they probably don't mean as much to other "able-bodied" friends who run marathons, ski the back country runs at Crystal, and play sports effortlessly. I am pretty content with the things I can do. For the most part - especially in light of what could have been for me and what often is for others whose spinal cord injuries are much worse - I feel like life now is as good as it gets.

Postscript
March 11, 2010

Last night, a small group Bible Study I lead met at a local pub for our discussion of the "deadly sin of anger." I watched with joy and amazement as my friend Jim who was injured in a motorcycle accident last summer, wheeled in and transferred from his "chair" up to the tall stool at the tables we occupied. He lost his left leg 4" above the knee and his right leg echoes the same kind of neural damage and lack of feeling as my legs do. Jim's attitude is amazing. His experience and his outlook are very similar to my experience - especially during the early months after my injury.
I hear him say almost every time we talk, "Life is good. I am so blessed." It may sound strange for some to hear but I get it completely. Our lives are different because of what we have experienced. We can't do all the same things others do and take for granted. But in perspective, compared to what could have been, it is a blessing to enjoy simple things and see the goodness of the Lord and to be content in whatever circumstances we find ourselves. Thanks for reminding me Jim and thanks for keeping me mindful of this lesson.